December 5, 2015

An 'it' for yourself

      'I can't give him up to you, you know,' said Emily.
      'I don't envy you him, but 'it,' said Lily.
      'Then go and get an 'it' for yourself. Why don't you have an 'it' for yourself? You can have an 'it' tomorrow, if you like, -- or two or three, if all that I hear is true.'
      'No, I can't,' said Lily. 'Things have gone wrong with me. Don't ask me anything more about it. Pray don't. I shan't speak of it if you do.'
      'Of course I will not if you tell me I must not.'
      'I do tell you so. I have been a fool to say anything about it. However, I have got over my envy now, and am ready to go out with your aunt. Here she is.'
      'Things have gone wrong with me.' She repeated the same words to herself over and over again. with all the effort so she had made she could not quite reconcile herself to the two letters which she had written in the book. This coming up to London, and riding in the Park, and going to the theaters, seemed to unsettle her. At home she had schooled herself down into quiescence, and made herself think that she believed that she was satisfied with the prospects of her life. But now she was all astray again, doubting about herself, hankering after something over and beyond that which seemed to be allotted to her, -- but nevertheless, assuring herself that she never would accept of anything else.

from The Last Chronicle of Barset, by Anthony Trollope

{The painting is by Emma Ekwall (a Swedish artist, 1838-1930), found here}


JoAnn said...

An "it" for yourself, indeed... loved that conversation!
You're making good progress :)
I miss Trollope.

Lisa said...

I really began to sympathize with Lily at this point, with all these people constantly harping on Johnny Eames. *I* was sick of the sound of this name, and I like the guy! I know they were all trying to help Johnny, and really to help Lily, but good lord, people - it was verging on harassment, and having exactly the opposite effect on Lily (and I can't blame her really).

JoAnn said...

Lily Dale will never be one of my favorite characters and I was getting pretty sick of her at this point in the book but, like Lisa, I also began to feel a little sorry for her. Felt like telling her friends to give it a rest!